After looking at your worksheet, choose one paragraph from your essay to revise. In order to revise, you may add, change, or delete words or sentences. While you may insert sentences that add elaboration and sentence variety, do not change the general idea or topic of the paragraph.
Here are some other tips you can use to adjust your sentences.
Boring beginnings (ex. every sentence starts with “They.”)
–They glisten in the sunlight.
–I can picture them glistening in the sunlight.
If sentences are too short or too repetitive, combine them.
•They glisten in the sunlight.
•They are whiter than snow.
–I can picture them glistening in the sunlight, whiter than snow.
If sentences are all long sentences or all one length, mix in very short, punched sentences or commands.Here’s why. We do. You’re right.
If verbs repeat, then substitute with an example that uses active verbs. (This is also an elaboration problem.)
–You are beautiful.
–You are so nice.
–You are an amazing person.
Instead, write about a particular time when you could tell he was “nice.” SHOW us!
If are words predictable, then substitute with more specific words, probably based on an example.
Sentence Structures to Try:
•Short Simple— (3 examples)
You will. I do. We should.
You are amazing, but many may not know how kind you are to your fans.
When you visit Jacksonville, you’ll see that people here will return your smile.
During my teen years, I’ve watched my sister, Amy, suffer through head-gear, rubber bands, and painful adjustments to her bite, but her teeth still don’t look like yours.